Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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