My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
