i can't believe i had my finger in that
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
