You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
