Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
