??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
they're like a gay fantastic four
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
