I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
