I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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