Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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