I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
