Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
