he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
