Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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