No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
