Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
