It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
