Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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