i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
