i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You were trust falling into bushes
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
