well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
