brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
