I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
