is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
