It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
