Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
