so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
