i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
