I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
