I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
do herpes really smell.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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