it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
