Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
