i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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