My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
