So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
