I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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