It's Friday. Sex?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
