My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
