If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
