i just wanna soil my oats bro
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
