The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
