Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
