If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
