we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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