he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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