12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
