so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
