i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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