shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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