Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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