You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
