Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
