we made out on top of his cat.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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