Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just cropdusted the office
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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